I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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