by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
