Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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