i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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