Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
