i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
