so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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