Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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