me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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