I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
