haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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