You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
