It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize