I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
BRING THE BAGELS
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
