peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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