If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
