I got chris browned last night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
