Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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