it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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