im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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