Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
