the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
