It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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