you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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