My balls are so social today.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
