she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
