fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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