My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
