It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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