its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
