I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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