Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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