so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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