Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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