Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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