believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
