Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
