you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
