i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
