What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
