There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
