Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
