you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
