He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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