like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
