The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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