drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
