Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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