i just wanna soil my oats bro
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize