why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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