I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
