Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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