Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
