So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This baby is an asshole
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
