The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
