I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
