my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
