I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
