Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
