I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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