I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
