shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My bed smells like the plague
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize