There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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