And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
