PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it hurts more in the daytime
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
