Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
