All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
