walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
