Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
